These Feelings

God has been on my mind lately. Or, really, the idea of God has. I am a non-believer in God as presented by the Church, but do believe in the idea of God or a higher power. Today, at the hospital where my wife was receiving outpatient, I was walking around and found myself drawn to the various chapels that Johns Hopkins has. I’d walk in and poke around a bit. They are small and rather unassuming, most likely because they need to appeal to people of various religions. I’d didn’t stay or speak with anyone, as they were all empty, but I wanted to see if I felt anything. I didn’t, and never do when I’m in a church. Not sure if I should or shouldn’t, really, though I think I’m always hoping to. Once we finally got home the first three lines just came to me and then the rest within a few minutes.

I want to, I need to, I gotta believe

Soulless, clueless

And I can’t even breathe.

Thoughts I have, ain’t even mine

Horrified, outraged

Like some bold type headline.

This ain’t me, who I am, what happened here

Educated, loved

How come all this fear.

All my own, on my own, no one to lead

Follower, leader

Man, it’s hard to believe.

Made it this far, though I’ll surely need more

Straighten things out, or I’m bound to be poor.

Poor mind, body & spirit, gotta keep reaching

Or I’ll never get near it.

Salvation is at the end, down that one lane

Get your number, punch your ticket

And by God you’ll be saved.

 

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Rings on a tree

image
Downs Park, MD

A story is there, for all to see. Rings of life, rings on a tree. How old are you? What have you seen? Do you miss the busy birds Mr. Tree? Your branches and leaves, all are now gone! And, really, do you like to be sat upon? I’d much rather stand, so tall and firm. A squirrel on my bark, and at my roots a few ferns. The forest is home, it’s really where I should be. So ask your questions, your questions of me, but do not think less or any more of me. Here I am now and here I’ll stay. A beach is my home, my view is the bay.

Poem For Piper

-Originally a poem I sent my wife on 12/13/11, about 5 months before Piper was born.

Christmas came early
for your Dad and Mom,
they now know who you are
and it strengthened their bond

A little baby girl
was going to be theirs,
to love, hold, and forever cherish

You are a dream come true
and will be a beauty for sure,
you’ll grow into a woman
and always be pure

The child we always wanted
and now finally have, to Piper,
with love forever,
– Mom and Dad

Volatile Bag Lady

Listening to the podcast ‘This Is Criminal’ and heard the phrase “volatile bag lady”. Such an odd thing to say, but can also make sense…though how often are we talking about crazy bag ladies and needing to describe them as being volatile? Yea, I’d hope not much. So naturally I decided to write a punk song about it. Like old school punk with little or no course and the song is under a minute! One, two, three, four …

 

Here I am, here I am

Out on the streets, a volatile bag lady

You don’t want to meet

Matted dirty hair, with gross and rooting teeth

I sleep where I can, and rarely get to eat

I used to go to doctors, I’d take my kids to school

Now here I am a bag lady, and I’m life’s fucking fool

My day starts whenever, and ends when it does

I smoke a few butts, get half a sandwhich

And I’ll drink cough syrup for a buzz

Here I am, here I am

No, wait, please don’t see

This is someone else’s life, it really can’t be me

I try and hide my face, just to bury the shame

So here I am, here I am

Out on the streets, a volatile bag lady

With no one left to love me.

The Toughest

The toughest love
That doesn’t exist anymore
Is a dad who’ll
Take a belt to you
But also give you a hug
And a pat on the head

The toughest love
That doesn’t exist anymore
Takes a strength
The average person
Could never understand

The toughest love
That doesn’t exist anymore
Is a father’s love
Mixed with fear
But always caring

The toughest love
That doesn’t exist anymore
Comes from men
Who have seen things
We wouldn’t comprehend

The toughest love
That doesn’t exist anymore
Is from a father who knows
He made some mistakes
But also that he did the best he could

Windowsill Kinda Life

New life has fresh eyes, it reflects what it sees. It learns what is and isn’t to be. The surroundings it is in will help determine it’s fate. Set on a shelf and left to be, life gets whittled down. Where promise and hope once rose now stands a vacant and hollow self. But with with lots of sunlight and love a life may be slowed but it will never be stopped. Onward and upward, to blossom into it’s own. To love and be loved.

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Deep Thoughts On Sunrise

-Originally posted on FB on 11/20/15

I woke up early this morning and had the pleasure of catching a great sunrise. Sunrise and sunset are my favorite, and for very different reasons. One is at the end of the day and the other the beginning, obviously, but they offer such different things. Sunset is literally like a curtain call. It’s the end of the day and ushers in the night. It can bring a sense of excitement or also one of foreboding. We find plenty of pleasure in the activities of our nightlives but for me, as good and enjoyable as sunsets can be, they don’t offer the same lift.
Sunrises, however, brings a rebirth. What I get or see in a sunrise is what I think people seek or get from church. It’s peaceful, calming, brings a sense of hope, and can even offer direction. Looking out this morning over Orleans street at the sun coming up I couldn’t help but be in awe of how beautiful the city was. With all it’s flaws and ugliness, Baltimore gets the same thing every other city gets. A fresh start. Shadows still hide parts while other areas begin to shine brightly as the golden hues of sunrise wash over them. Each day the city has a chance to be better than the last.
Sunrise also brings a fresh start and a renewed sense of hope to all of us. Every single day we can be better, do more, live fuller than the previous day. We all get that chance. We’re all the same in that regard. We may be in different places, have different incomes, varied beliefs, morals of either high or low standards, but as long as we’re living then each day offers new hope.
We do with it what we choose but it’s always there for the taking. Carpe Diem is never more true than at sunrise.

Exercise 2.0

Sailing the seas of similac slime, the

Toothlessly talking captain complained to

Offended officers done doing service for

The Queen quite queer, they

Question her qualifications, and

Audacious authority over affairs, and being

Bumblingly blind and bound by words, so

Indignantly intoned into recorders’ ears transcribed

Triumphantly proclaiming protocol, soaring it went

Past poor caring souls that listened like nothing

Never before, unto which we crested sludge seas, and

Sauntered windless defiant in donating tall time

Jumpy nerves joining iced thoughts of home

Burning how haplessly unattainable

A mission of hope lost…

Exercising

Auburn, apples, Aspire

Sitting, still, Silently

Rescind, recognition, Reluctantly

Motionlessly, moving, Minds

Totally, telling, Themes

Who’s, whats, Wheres

Hoping, however, Hopeless

Nobody, notices, Nothing

Like, lamps’, loopy

Barbaric, battered, BS

Cares, comfort, Console

Kitties, kept, Knowing

Physically, piped, Play-doh

Down, dusty, Drains

Yes, yapped, You

Orion, oracally, Oiled

Faithful, fowl, Floundered

Under, umbrellas, Unlit

Entrenched, euphoric, Edifices

Zag, zombie, Zigs

Quenching, queens, Quest

Gummy, game, Gnome

Xenophobic, xanthum, Xerox

Jointly, justly, Jammed

Vanilla, villains, Vaulted

Into, ideologic, Iodine