Exploring the Past, Embracing the Future

Late in the evening of November 4, 2015 my wife, Stephanie, and I were sitting in the ER when we heard the life-changing words, “…we think you most likely have Leukemia.” Since then we’ve both asked plenty of questions and searched for answers. The typical ‘why me’, ‘what now’, and ‘how’ were certainly present but also dismissed fairly quickly. I don’t know how long it took to dismiss them, but they were.

Instead what we did was to, the best we could at the time, embrace the change and prepare for our fight. With any form of cancer time is a precious commodity that shouldn’t be wasted on negative thoughts and feelings. My wife isn’t a negative person and is universally known as a positive and happy spirit. She doesn’t dwell, get into negative head space, or otherwise loose sight of her goals. In this case her goal was singular: beat this disease and return to her family happy and healthy.

I, on the other hand, am not a shinning beacon of positivity but a deb-downer with a penchant for focusing on the negatives. Or at least I was before this experience began. Time turns over is, I guess, just another way of saying move forward but it will be more than that. It’s gonna be my way embracing change while questioning long-held convictions that I’ve allowed myself to inhabit and run my life.

Like those long-held convictions, my past is something I think about often and sometimes struggle with. By looking at my past and how it relates to who I want to be I feel I’ll better be able to embrace the future and the changes to come. While all of this might seems obvious or like common sense, to me there is a lot to look at and plenty of insight to be gained, and it’s my hope that some of my lessons will not only help me but also others. I don’t pretend to be a self-help guru, counselor, or even an inspirational kind of guy but I do believe we all have a unique point of view and this, simply, is mine.

 

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