These Feelings

God has been on my mind lately. Or, really, the idea of God has. I am a non-believer in God as presented by the Church, but do believe in the idea of God or a higher power. Today, at the hospital where my wife was receiving outpatient, I was walking around and found myself drawn to the various chapels that Johns Hopkins has. I’d walk in and poke around a bit. They are small and rather unassuming, most likely because they need to appeal to people of various religions. I’d didn’t stay or speak with anyone, as they were all empty, but I wanted to see if I felt anything. I didn’t, and never do when I’m in a church. Not sure if I should or shouldn’t, really, though I think I’m always hoping to. Once we finally got home the first three lines just came to me and then the rest within a few minutes.

I want to, I need to, I gotta believe

Soulless, clueless

And I can’t even breathe.

Thoughts I have, ain’t even mine

Horrified, outraged

Like some bold type headline.

This ain’t me, who I am, what happened here

Educated, loved

How come all this fear.

All my own, on my own, no one to lead

Follower, leader

Man, it’s hard to believe.

Made it this far, though I’ll surely need more

Straighten things out, or I’m bound to be poor.

Poor mind, body & spirit, gotta keep reaching

Or I’ll never get near it.

Salvation is at the end, down that one lane

Get your number, punch your ticket

And by God you’ll be saved.

 

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